i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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