Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
