just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
