Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
