I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
