your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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