i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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