We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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