Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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