Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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