Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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