The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize