I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
