i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
