Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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