i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
