you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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