Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
