Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
