Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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