I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
