i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
