I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
