There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
