Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
