he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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