FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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