i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
