the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
