I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
