You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
