My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
