haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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