her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
