It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
