i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
