Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize