I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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