Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
