There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
