My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
