Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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