All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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