just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need water and some morals
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
