Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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