I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
