So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
