They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need moral support for this bender
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
