Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
