well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
