Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
