Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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