I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
