the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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