As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
