is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
