The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
