What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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