Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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