Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
