I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
