Umm I'm too high to move.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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