2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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