Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
