my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
