you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
