mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
