Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
